Spanking & Chastening: Wallflower

I stood staring at the entrance from the gardens surrounding Quondam Tower. The sunlight warmed my back in the cool morning air and helped relax my tense muscles as I steeled myself to go inside and face the remaining consequence for disregarding corporate policy. It had happened almost a month ago and yet the memories of the immediate consequences, taking place just inside the lobby, were still fresh in my mind, heightened by the fact I had not entered the lobby since. Having to wait while knowing this day was coming had been a punishment of its own, but no one could dispute the time was necessary for me to recover from the incident in Chile.

A quick glance at my wrist told me I could delay no longer without risking being late for my appointment in Human Resources and that was definitely not something worth considering. Ready or not, I strolled inside and forced a professional smile onto my face. Cathy was at her station as usual despite the early hour, making me wonder if she ever left her post at all. As I neared her, she stepped out from behind the counter and greeted me with a sympathetic smile.

"Good morning," I said, with the unwelcome memory of our last encounter flooding my memory and cheeks with a warm glow of shame.

Cathy said, "Good morning. You'll have to take one of the regular elevators. HR has restricted your access already."

"Of course," I said, pausing only briefly before changing my direction to the bank of elevators on the other side of the room. Difficult as it was, I tried to tell myself that losing my privileged elevator access was a mild disciplinary measure and nowhere near the humiliation I suffered on my last visit to the lobby. Embarrassment warmed my skin regardless, which was no doubt the entire purpose behind the decision in the first place.

I stepped out of the elevator onto a nearly desolate fourth floor. The only person in sight was a young man, at least a couple years younger than myself, sitting behind a reception desk. He looked up as I walked into the hallway and wondered which way to proceed, having never been to the normal entrance of the HR department before. I walked toward him hoping it was the right direction and by the expectant look on his face I was reasonably certain.

"Good morning," I said, coming to a stop in front of his desk.

"Miss Virginia West I presume?" He said, glancing at his watch and then typing the time into the computer.

"Yes, I have an appointment this morning," I said.

"With Mrs. Anderson, yes." He said, still looking at his screen.

"Should I go in?" I asked, shifting my weight from side to side as my stomach tightened in knots.

"Mrs. Anderson will call for you when she is ready," He said, looking up at me. "You are aware you are here for a disciplinary action in relation to a violation of company policy?"

"Yes," I replied.

"Do you wish to contest anything?" He asked.

"No," I said, feeling like I was pleading guilty.

"You may wait against the wall," He said, nodding in the direction of a small stretch of wall parallel to his desk, leading to a set of double door which obviously served as the entrance to the main HR offices.

I looked from him to the wall in question and back again. His attention was already refocused on his computer screen though so I shrugged and walked over to the wall. I leaned back against hoping the wait would not be too long, but at the same time being in no hurry for Mrs. Anderson to call for me. If only there had been a chair to sit on I would not have felt so conspicuous.

"Facing the wall Miss West," The young man said, interrupting my thoughts and making me blink like I had been splashed in the face. I turned around to face the wall without question even though every part of me wanted to scream out about the ridiculous instruction.

I felt myself blushing once more in a morning already filled with blushing. It was still early but my mind wandered to the possibility of being seen by the dozens of employees who worked in the HR department as they made their way in to their desks for the day. I had expected to be inside of the Mrs. Anderson's office and gone long before the typical work day began, but the longer I stood waiting, the more I realized I really had no idea what to expect. Rather than worrying about the things I could not change, my thoughts drifted back to Virginia's living room and the conversation Tom and I had the morning after our return from Chile.

Tom turned on his side, burying his face in the back of Virginia's couch as I crept passed

on my way to the kitchen. Outside the sun was just beginning to rise on the horizon and

although I should have been sound asleep, like Tom, I was wide awake. The unfamiliar

surroundings and the echoes of discouraging conversations with both Jack Barker and

Joseph Candle had left me tossing and turning in Virginia's bed until the clock finally

gave me a reprieve in the form of an hour not too early to be called morning.

Stifling a yawn, I quietly searched the cupboards of Virginia's kitchen for coffee and

anything else I might need to make a stab at breakfast. The unfamiliar organization

served as one more blatant reminder that I had put off coming to this place for far too

long. I only hoped Tom had failed to notice my lack of familiarity as we had searched the

house for possible intruders and unwanted surveillance equipment, upon entering the

night before. If only Jack and Tom worried a little less, I could have gone home to my

own place and rested a lot more peacefully.

The muffled snores coming from the couch came to an abrupt stop as the coffee pot

gurgled its last spurts into a full pot. Tom sat up and yawned and I poured a full cup and

then as an afterthought, a second cup for Tom. I delivered the cup with a smile and

hoped he drank it black because I had no idea where Virginia kept her cream or sugar or

if she had any at all.

"Good morning," I said, sitting down in a matching armchair across from the sofa.

Tom sipped from his steaming cup and peered at me through curious eyes. He said,

"And here I had you pegged for a late sleeper."

"I didn't mean to wake you," I said, coming just short of apologizing. When I started the

coffee pot I had not given any thought to whether or not it would disturb Tom's sleep,

but in hindsight it seemed a little rude.

"Well at least you had the good sense to bring me a decent cup of coffee," Tom said,

smirking as he sipped a little more. "Reminds me of Joe's brew actually. Don't tell me

you use the same brand?"

"It's news to me if I do," I said, wondering if someone had been dumb enough to stock

Virginia's kitchen with brands easily associated with Quondam's standard purchases. I

was definitely going to have to mention it to Cathy the next time I saw her.

"Got any plans for your time off?" Tom asked.

"Not really. I still can't believe I'm getting a vacation when we obviously have a lot of

work to do if we having any hope of catching up with our competition," I said.

"It's not like the rest of us are going to be sitting on our hands waiting for you to get

back," Tom said. "Besides, can you really call mandatory leave a vacation?"

"Maybe not, but you have to admit it sounds better that way," I said. "I know you guys

will still get things done without me, but I feel like I should be helping. It's at least

partially my fault we're behind in the first place and I'd rather be making that right than

sitting around twiddling my thumbs while a few bruises heal."

Tom leaned forward and sat his cup down on the coffee table between us and looked at

me as if he was trying to decide whether or not to say the things he was thinking. I

allowed my lips to curl upward in a smile I hoped conveyed my willingness to hear

whatever he had to say. Understanding my intention, he nodded and rested his elbows

on his knees.

He said, "I hear you, but nothing that happened down there was your fault. If Jack had

listened to you from the start, we would have beat Stratford to that cave quite handily

and you would never have been captured at all. As far as I'm concerned your

contributions to this team have easily outweighed any complications or mistakes you've

made."

"No one else seems to agree with that interpretation," I said, recalling the scathing

words of Mr. Candle on the cliff's edge at Rapa Nui.

"What about you?" Tom asked.

"What about me?"

Tom said, "You know damn well what I mean. You aren't the type to sit around second

guessing yourself. There's no arguing we came in second best down there, but you know

you had it right from the start. I can't figure you'd be blaming yourself because you

violated a totally unrelated corporate policy."

"That's the frustrating part," I said. " I agree with you. It's stupid to disregard someone's

knowledge just because they broke a rule, but at the same time I understand Jack's

dilemma. He can't shrug it off without giving the appearance he doesn't care about

policy and giving my opinion more weight than that of Dr. Michaels', who does follow all

the rules, would give that wrong impression."

"You definitely need to be a little more careful when it comes to following policy and

rules, but in the short time I've known you, I've figured out you have a knack for noticing

things the rest of us don't," Tom said.

"So I should get mad, throw a temper tantrum until Jack figures out he should listen to

me?" I said.

"No, I think you've managed to get yourself in enough trouble as it is, unless you like

having a red ass," Tom said and I blushed. "What you need to do is decide what it is you

really want."

"I don't see what that has to do with anything," I said.

"You can't walk on the edge and think you're never going to fall," Tom said. "Either you

give yourself to the team and Quondam or you get out."

"So now you're saying everything is my fault?" I said.

Tom said, "I'm saying we're pretty foolish not to make use of your skills while we have

them and it's pretty obvious that won't be forever unless something changes on your

end. You're still holding onto the life you had before and if it's worth it, Q5 is the last

place you should be."

"What do you know about the life I had before?" I asked, wondering if he knew anything

real or merely suspected something more than Mr. Candle's cover story.

"I know it's not this," Tom said. "Have you ever even been here before last night?"

My eyes widened with surprise. I had thought or rather hoped, I had hid my

unfamiliarity with the condo from Tom. In retrospect it was silly of me to think all the

minor missteps and wrong turns would go unnoticed, but what bothered me the most

was the possibility he had figured it out before we had ever set foot in Virginia's condo.

"I'm not going to tell anyone and you did a pretty good job of faking it, but this place

looks like a corporate rental for an executive and nobody lives that way by choice," Tom

said. "Not to mention, I've seen your office and there is no way you'd keep a house this

neat."

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do," I said.

Tom said, "You can change your name, your appearance, the place you live, but in the end you can't really change who you are. Trust me, I know."

"And who am I?" I asked.

"Only you can answer that question," Tom said.

I snorted half laughter and half disgust while I shook my head. Tom was a good man, but like everyone else in Q5, he had an annoying penchant for almost answering questions. The laughter bouncing in his eyes told me he knew what I was thinking and had probably been in my position sometime in his past. It was not all that surprising, but I had hard time imagining him being called anything other than Tom which made me wonder if the rest of them saw me in the same light. Was I a better Virginia or Allison?

"You think you'll be going away anywhere while I'm out?" I asked.

Tom said, "I doubt it. We've not had anywhere near our normal downtime since you joined. Gene is weeks behind in analysis of what we have found and I've got a similar backlog on Quondam's defense projects. Unless something comes up, it's a pretty safe bet we'll be catching up on our more mundane responsibilities."

"At least I won't miss out on anything," I said.

"Quite the opposite, I think. You'll be exploring some new territory while the rest of us sit around and wait," Tom said.

"Let me guess, nobody on the team has ever got in this kind of trouble with HR before?" I said.

"I won't say that, but it's been awhile. I imagine you'll figure out why long before they're done with you," Tom said.

"That bad eh? I don't suppose you'd like to give me a clue as to what I can expect?" I said.

"You know what Quondam's main disciplinary tool is," Tom said. "The rest is a little different for each person, but it boils down to doing jobs that give your situation a high profile. The theory is it serves to warn others about the consequences and gives the culprit an additional set of reasons to correct themselves."

"Sounds like fun," I said, taking a deep breath and wondering if I was truly prepared to go through with the whole thing.

"If you are going to leave anyway, there is no point going through it," Tom said.

"You think I should?"

"No, I rather hope you decide to stick around, but I completely understand if you don't," Tom said.

"Does it get any easier?" I asked.

"That's really up to you," Tom said.

"You know, you really aren't much help," I said.

"I could be more helpful, but you and I both know you wouldn't listen," Tom said.

"And if I promised to listen?" I said.

"Enjoy your time off and when you go up before HR, just be sure you are prepared to see everything through to the end," Tom said.

He was right and it was of course the biggest question in my head. The little girl still needs my help and it does seem I am the only one capable of truly helping her, but the path toward that end is shrouded in mystery and half truths told by the people I need to trust. Am I really willing to subject myself to the humiliation of corporate discipline just to save a girl I barely know from a danger I cannot even begin to understand or is there another reason? Maybe I am not running away because I am not willing to give up being Virginia—

"—West, Mrs. Anderson will see you now," The young man said, interrupting my thoughts for the second time of the morning.